Mom shaming

Ever since i became a mom (at conception) i realized how much pressure, scrutiny, and judgment we are faced with. The bad thing is, it's not usually by men, or children, or single women; 

its by other moms!! 

I had someone tell me once, while i was five months pregnant, that i (who had two ultrasounds) was going to kill my baby because i had to many ultrasounds. I wanted to speak my mind to her and let her know how rude, inconsiderate, and thoughtless that was! I didn't however and just said "my baby is perfect and healthy thank you!" and walked away. 

If you have been pregnant before, you know how much stress and worry you are already under, just to make sure your eating healthy, not gaining to much weight, not over doing yourself, etc... because honestly you would do ANYTHING to make sure that little life growing inside of you is safe and carried to full term. 

I remember anytime i felt anything i thought was "weird" i would search google or call the doctor for answers, i would have pregnancy nightmares of something going wrong, plus my own mothers history of several miscarriages, i was constantly praying for peace from God because i had so much fear for my child's life! Then of course you have opinions of how to give birth. 

Ofta.... just remembering it, is giving me issues. 

There has been a super craze about natural birth in the past few years! And honestly that is AWESOME!!! but sometimes we can't do a home birth, or use a midwife, or skip the epidural! Each person has different feelings, and different ways of handling pain!! I think God has completely blessed us with so many ways of delivering children now days; ways that help keep the mom AND baby safe if its a difficult delivery, or if you have horrible back contractions an epidural is SO nice to keep you from wanting to practically die. One thing we forget sometimes is that no matter how its done birth is a beautiful, miracle from God. 

I had almost no contractions until my water broke when i was about 7 centimeters dilated, after that i had the full force of pain that comes from having a baby,  it was way more than i could handle!!! Thankfully i had told myself throughout planning the birth and such that i would be open to either a natural birth or getting an epidural. I had never had a baby before so i didn't know what i was in for. 

I AM glad that i got an epidural because i was able to sleep for 5 hours while things progressed, so when i woke up the next morning at 9 centimeters i could prepare myself to push. 

The epidural wore off an hour later, and i was up and walking and using the bathroom, and taking a bath. I felt fantastic and even wanted to go to church after we got discharged the next day. 

I know its not like that for everyone and that's why it makes it unique to me. That's also why we shouldn't be quick to judge other women and how they give birth.

At my my baby shower after my son was born a month later, i was telling someone about my sons birth and how it went. She said, "Oh you got an epidural? Hope he doesn't have issues from that. It's not good for the baby to get an epidural." 

Ah yes, you are reading that correctly. See what i mean about mom shaming? What do you say to someone like that? 

I looked at her and said kind of firmly "My baby is the healthiest baby the doctors had seen in a while, and he has been growing healthy with no problems, so i think its just fine." 

Yes i wanted to say thanks for that bit of advice, i guess i should of had you as my birth coach, or if your so wise you should write a book! But i guess I've learned to keep my sarcasm to myself over the years. 

Another sweet lady i know is pregnant with her second child. Her first child was taken to heaven only a few month into the pregnancy. She is faced with possibly having a c-section because her baby girl is breach, and she told me how her mother (her OWN mother) is upset because she wanted her daughter to have a natural birth! I mean seriously?? Moms are supposed to be caring, and compassionate, and encouraging. but instead her mother is making her feel inadequate, hurt, and confused. I looked at her and smiled trying to make sure she could see i was being genuine. I said "if you have to have a c-section then you do, it doesn't matter HOW you have your baby as long as she is SAFE and HEALTHY!!! If you could harm either yourself or your child from doing a home birth, then of course i wouldn't recommend that! No, c-sections are not fun to recover from, and no they aren't necessarily ideal most times, but if it keeps you and your baby safe then that stuff doesn't matter!" 

The moral of the story is, LADIES stop mom shaming!!! Each mom is faced with different situations, and the best thing to do is encourage each other, because we already scrutinize ourselves to much as it is and we don't need to take the time to be negative when we can instead be helpful and kind.

Happy parents have happy kids!